Does anybody ever notice how that whne you get a new SO that you change in little unperceptible ways? So far I'm able to see only that I've started saying uncharacteristially mushy things when texting. It's crazy and totally unlike me. Now that we've got the whole Brandon Issue settled (I hope!), it seems like I might actually have a normal teenager-type relationship (GASP!). For once in a long time, I'm optimistic about love!   

    To anyone reading this, do you notice that you change when you get a new BF/GF?

An abundance of thoughts

Run through my head

Things of the nature

that I'd think in bed

Except that I'm not

alone by myself

Watching these speeches

I put my wants on a shelf

they think that I'm sleeping

but my eyes only close

Knowing my thoughts

I just should have dozed

With my thoughts none to pure

and my mind not to clean

I ask why couldn't this've been

when I've time to dream?

I'm at stoner park. I've biked there to see if the leaves on the trees have turned. Those big old trees have been a source of joy to me since I'd known about their existence. I was laying on the grass under an ancient juniper when I saw her.

'Her' happened to be a little girl, in the age sense of the term. Though she was short, she was very wide. If I'd had to guess, I would have said she was maybe 1 1/2 tall to 1 wide. She was running towards a toy that had come to rest a ways from her family. She was wearing a white striped top and ankle-length red stretch pants. Something trailed and flapped around her feet. Another little girl, precious as anything in a little pink dress, was running with Red Pants.

Whereas Pink Dress ran like a normal little child, Red Pants looked as if she was imitating Brandon's straight-legged run. It brought a smile to my face to see that familiar looking run, but I knew it wore your legs out. Red Pants never seemed to stop though. Her run was jerky and strange. I wondered if she would fall. I hoped she wouldn't.

And then I noticed her arm. They sort of wind-milled around crazily as she ran. It was her right one, I believe. At first I didn't really notice it but then it hit me! She was missing her hand... her wrist... and her lower arm! All of it was gone! It didn't look as if anything traumatizing had happened... It looked as if there had never been anything else there.

Right after my mind processed that thought, I realized that what was flapping behind her ankles, was not some random something or other, but her pants! They were about two feet too long for her! They should have fit a child of nine or ten, yet she was only as tall as a five year old! Why was she wearing them?

As I watched her pick up the plaything, and run back to her mother, I thought.

Why does she run like that? What's with the pants? Why don't they get her something that fits? What's going on here?

And then it hit me... If something's wrong with her arm, might there be something wrong with her legs? That would explain the run! If she didn't have anything from the knees down then she wouldn't be able to bend her legs! It made sense! It fit! But why was she running around like a normal child???

When ever I picture a child whose had their legs amputated, even from the knees down, I picture them in bed, bored but comfortable. Maybe I would have imagined the child with no calves in a wheel chair. But Red Pants ran around like a normal kid. Who would have thought?

The sight made me smile. I felt so grateful, because it could have been me. I could be the one with missing parts. I could be the one who will have to battle insecurities about body image and feelings of inadequacy. I'm not though. God could have made me that way, but he didn't. He made me how I am with a unique purpose in mind and he made Red Pants with a special purpose, too. I just wonder what hers will be...